Shy Girl Speaks

I'm not one for a huge celebrity crush, but I have thought that particular celebrities are more attractive than others. People have said that I have strange celebrity crushes, but eh, I don't mind I guess. Here are celebrities that I have had crushes on throughout my life:

Roy Scheider - (Only in Jaws) It has something to do with him driving a boat with a cigarette hanging out of his mouth in Jaws. I hate smoking, but for some reason, yeah, that's pretty hot to me.


















Gabriel Byrne - I have no idea.













Alan Cumming (But only when he was in Goldeneye, haha)














Michael Cera

I think it's a travesty that there are a number of people who believe that feminism is all about women fighting for equal pay, joining the military, and enjoying sports. Recently I read the book, "Click" and it made me realize a huge part of who I am.

Several weeks ago a catalog for childrens toys came in the mail and I perused through it. On one page there were playsets one of which included a vacuum cleaner and other things for a child to play "house" with. Another playset included a workbench with a pretend hammer and saw. I noticed immediately the genders of the children who were the models for these  playsets - a little boy at the workbench and a little girl vacuuming. I immediately thought, "why does it have to be a girl with the vacuum?" This was probably the click moment for me. The moment I realized, "why did I notice this?"

Throughout my life, I admittedly saw feminists as a group of women that wanted to do manly things. I definitely felt there were a lot of points in feminism I agreed with but there were some I just didn't. I didn't want to join the military, I wasn't interested in sports, or beer, or whatever stereotypical things "men" do. These were things feminists HAD to be into, right? So instead of looking into some of the things that feminism IS actually about, I continued to feel left out - stuck between genders so to speak. I had short hair growing up, listened to angry girl music, and wore combat boots. On the other hand, I loved to collect "pretty" rocks, played with barbies until I was 12, and enjoyed crafts. I was too outspoken for girls my age and wasn't interested in collecting pictures of JTT or Devon Sawa from Tiger Beat/16/etc. However, it was apparent from my skill that sports were of no interest to me. I grew up being picked on but, looking back, I really was an odd duck.

Later I married a man, and looking back it wasn't my best decision to marry this individual, but there was a point where I really felt I loved this person. There was a part of him that thought I should be stereotypically feminist, but in a rather misogynistic way. For example, he refused to let me change my last name to his. I wanted to. I wanted to be a part of his family and I wanted him to feel welcome in my family as loopy as my bunch is. Anyway this was hurtful to me. I wasn't "feminist" enough for him. He would also say insensitive things to me, especially in the first part of our relationship... He hated how I was offended by these hurtful things. Later I found that if he said something insensitive to me and I dished it back out, he would actually be happy. I did not enjoy this game, but the relationship improved highly after this. In the latter part of the marriage, I did what Vashti would not do for Mordechai... around a campfire for my husband and his drunken friends. Although I was not the only one who partook in this, I was appalled, humiliated, and quickly became extremely depressed. What was already a poorly constructed relationship crumbled at an astounding rate and I filed for divorced a few months later. I spent much of my time after this trying to figure out who I was again.
I'm a woman with feelings, oh yes, I have feelings. But by today's standards in gender -- I'm middle of the road, but with the huge gap, its lonely here.

Throwing a lot of tests out there all at once:

#1 First off, I've released a new hub which is going to test a few theories of mine (we'll see how that works out.)

#2 I did a slight redesign on my Wedding Music blog because the previous colors were horrible. I stuck with the same layout, though, because it has proven to be a great layout SEO-wise in the past with another site. I re-did some of the ads on the site as the result of a test between two different ad placements and I found that the former part of the test performed better.

#3 I also put Moms Who Need Money back up because it DID do fairly well $-wise and, really, every little bit helps.

#4 On a very solemn note, my dad has been sick for some time and his breathing is getting worse. A few weeks ago they found something in his lungs and did a scan. Because of the results of the scan, they are having him do another scan called a PET scan for lung cancer. We are all hoping for the best and we will likely know by the end of the month.

It's almost 2AM My-Computer Time. That's almost 3AM My-Time-Zone time! I wanted to write a blog post so badly, but was busy with an all-day formatting event. AND! I did it all by myself... network driver and all! Oh yeah! *Kool-aid man voice*

Here are two several points of the day:

LOL - Speaking of which, I named my computer "LOL" today. I couldn't think of anything particularly creative. But yeah, this pic is really cute. :P

Technorati, instead of emailing generated passwords, should just let me make my own so that I can remember it. That way I wouldn't have to generate a new one every time I have to login (because I always delete the email.)

And Windows, with the Automatic Updates notification... you give me two options: "Restart Now" and "Restart Later." When I click "Restart Later" you notify me again like a half an hour later. Why can't you just wait until I restart on my own? You're Windows, so of course I'll be restarting you in a timely manner. It's not like you're... ya' know... Ubuntu or something... Geez Louise. :P

So what else? Oh, I bought that Click book. Amazon notified me that it shipped ummm like an hour ago, which I highly doubt because nowhere in America is there a post office open... that I know of. DUDE! I just realized something, if I don't know something, I can state it in a factual way as long as I give my Disclosure Policy... (what we call it in the blog world, anyway.) For example, it didn't rain anywhere AT ALL in the world today... that I know of.

Oh, I picked out ski boots today. So I got fit in the right foot and my mom was giving a hissy fit when I said I should try the left one on too... but seriously.. sometimes they fit differently from what I hear. Anyway, got the left one on and it fit even more amazingly, so it's not even like I could say booyah. I'm kiddin, it was a good shopping trip with my mom. We didn't buy the boots though because I thought I may be able to get them cheaper on Amazon, but it was the same. But they are cool looking and will be my birthday present probably.

Oh, I went to a haunted house way, way in Illinois with some new friends last night. I didn't know it was like an amusement park, I thought we were going to a real haunted place so I was delightfully pleased.

I finally got my office semi-situated after abandoning my computer in a spare room for over a month. I moved my desk across the room and got a book shelf going (although I am missing a good deal of my better books.) I got my RSS feed icon in the mail today (pictured at the top of the bookshelf) so I am quite pleased with the look of the office so far. I do have some art to hang which comprises of some Japanese wood block posters and a few witty early 1900s pieces I purchased from an antique store years ago and had framed. I have given myself to rummage through the garage tomorrow for my missing books so I can have some more interesting books in my shelf. Other than those things, I am happy with how the office is coming along... it's the office I'd wanted years ago. There are two things, however, that I've dreamed of having in my office for years and have been unable to acquire: a real crash test dummy and a shopping cart. While it's easy to acquire a shopping cart, I'd always set it in my mind to not obtain one until I have the crash test dummy. Now the whole crash test dummy thing sounds random, but I've seriously wanted to own a crash test dummy since I was a rebel teenager writing angry websites. Even my dad has been on the lookout for a crash test dummy for years.