I think it's a travesty that there are a number of people who believe that feminism is all about women fighting for equal pay, joining the military, and enjoying sports. Recently I read the book, "Click" and it made me realize a huge part of who I am.
Several weeks ago a catalog for childrens toys came in the mail and I perused through it. On one page there were playsets one of which included a vacuum cleaner and other things for a child to play "house" with. Another playset included a workbench with a pretend hammer and saw. I noticed immediately the genders of the children who were the models for these playsets - a little boy at the workbench and a little girl vacuuming. I immediately thought, "why does it have to be a girl with the vacuum?" This was probably the click moment for me. The moment I realized, "why did I notice this?"
Throughout my life, I admittedly saw feminists as a group of women that wanted to do manly things. I definitely felt there were a lot of points in feminism I agreed with but there were some I just didn't. I didn't want to join the military, I wasn't interested in sports, or beer, or whatever stereotypical things "men" do. These were things feminists HAD to be into, right? So instead of looking into some of the things that feminism IS actually about, I continued to feel left out - stuck between genders so to speak. I had short hair growing up, listened to angry girl music, and wore combat boots. On the other hand, I loved to collect "pretty" rocks, played with barbies until I was 12, and enjoyed crafts. I was too outspoken for girls my age and wasn't interested in collecting pictures of JTT or Devon Sawa from Tiger Beat/16/etc. However, it was apparent from my skill that sports were of no interest to me. I grew up being picked on but, looking back, I really was an odd duck.
Later I married a man, and looking back it wasn't my best decision to marry this individual, but there was a point where I really felt I loved this person. There was a part of him that thought I should be stereotypically feminist, but in a rather misogynistic way. For example, he refused to let me change my last name to his. I wanted to. I wanted to be a part of his family and I wanted him to feel welcome in my family as loopy as my bunch is. Anyway this was hurtful to me. I wasn't "feminist" enough for him. He would also say insensitive things to me, especially in the first part of our relationship... He hated how I was offended by these hurtful things. Later I found that if he said something insensitive to me and I dished it back out, he would actually be happy. I did not enjoy this game, but the relationship improved highly after this. In the latter part of the marriage, I did what Vashti would not do for Mordechai... around a campfire for my husband and his drunken friends. Although I was not the only one who partook in this, I was appalled, humiliated, and quickly became extremely depressed. What was already a poorly constructed relationship crumbled at an astounding rate and I filed for divorced a few months later. I spent much of my time after this trying to figure out who I was again.
Because of friendships with some pretty astounding people, homosexual man who I'd befriended back in high school and a gentleman who never really fit in with his peers because he has emotions, I started to dig deeper into where I fit. That's when I found an essay by Jordan Berg Powers. In the essay, Powers talks about the difficulty of being male and enjoying things that are both stereotypically feminine and masculine. This is when I realized that being feminist isn't about being more masculine. It's about women being able to do that men are allowed in society without it being called "guy stuff" and likewise, a man being able to do something that women do without it being considered feminine. It's about people really just being themselves without having to worry about the gender constraints that society and the media put on people.
I'm female. Just because I need help opening jars, am bored quickly by sports, and enjoy romantic comedies, this doesn't translate to "belonging in the kitchen." Likewise, just because I NEVER wear high heels, I wear my hair short sometimes, and have no desire to have children, doesn't mean I am a lesbian.
I'm a woman with feelings, oh yes, I have feelings. But by today's standards in gender -- I'm middle of the road, but with the huge gap, its lonely here.
October is a breast cancer awareness month and because of this, this week's HubPage's HubMob theme is breast cancer. I have never before taken part in the HubMob hub writing, but I think this is a great place to start. Those of you that know me also know that I am at risk for both breast and ovarian cancer. My grandmother, Aurelia, died in 1963 after a long battle with both breast and ovarian cancer. This is why I decided this would be a great time to start being a part of the HubMob. I've decided not to go the route of "Signs You Might Have..." or "Breast Cancer Prognosis." Instead I decided to write one on how to raise funds for breast cancer... for those who want to support the cause and wish to find out ways in which they can help. Stay tuned and I will post a link to the hub once completed.
